The Choices We Live With
by DawnCandace
Summary: One night during their flight from Camelot and Morganna's blood guard, Lancelot sees something he shouldn't have.


**The Choices We Live With**

Gwen gazed up at the cloud covered night sky. It was late into the evening and she knew another day of hard riding awaited her. Sleep was a precious commodity to be found in these times, but she could find no rest. It had been four days since she had fled a Camelot ruled by the bastard Queen Morgana and her cruel sister Morgause. The king was driven insane and Morgana, who had once been her friend, now sought to kill her and all whom she loved.

Arthur, Merlin and a group of knights still loyal to their prince fought bravely but were driven back from the city. Gaius was slain in his efforts to protect Gwen from Morgana's blood guard. For days Gwen remained locked in the dungeons; the perfect bait for the prince who had fallen in love with a maid.

Not content to merely imprison her, Morgana had visited her daily; to taunt and beat the peasant who would presume to take her place as Queen of Camelot, her mask of friendship cast aside. Gwen had endured her mad ravings in silence for days, her faith that Arthur would rescue her all that sustained her. Just when she felt her spirit might break, Arthur, Merlin and Gwaine arrived to rescue her. Using Merlin's magic to shield their flight, they managed to get outside the castle walls and ride hard to meet the rest of Arthur's knights.

Gwen had wept in relief when she found her brother Elyan waiting for her at the rendezvous point. She was surprised to find Lancelot standing alongside Percival and Leon. She was less surprised to feel nothing beyond gratitude when he greeted her with a kiss to the hand.

Even though she felt safe surrounded by Arthur and his men, Gwen could find no rest. Her blood still ran hot with the adrenaline of their flight. Gwen tossed aside her blankets and quietly rose from her place by the fire. Merlin lay snoring soundly at her side. She smiled down at her friend as she carefully stepped around him. She crept from the camp past Elyan and Leon, over Percival and Lancelot to make her way to the edge of the clearing where she knew Arthur stood keeping watch.

* * *

Lancelot woke from his sleep with a start. His dreams, which were often troubled, now began to reflect reality. Guinevere was truly lost to him. He shut his eyes against the memory of her reception of him that evening. She was perfectly polite. Perfectly indifferent. She had greeted him with the same degree of kindness as she had Sir Percival or Sir Leon. But she clung to Arthur, staying pressed by his side until he ordered her to bed while he took first watch. He knew he only had himself to blame. He had been so noble and so cruel as to leave her in the woods without so much as a wave goodbye two years ago. But, that they should meet again in this same wood as mere acquaintances felt like too great a recompense.

Lancelot sat up from his mat and looked towards Gwen's bedroll between Merlin and the fire. When he saw her place was empty, he shot to his feet grabbing his sword. Percival snorted in his sleep and rolled away from him, disturbed but not awakened by the commotion. As panic began to rise in Lancelot's chest, he spied a thin figure making its way towards the edge of the clearing. He sheathed his sword and pursued her.

* * *

Arthur sat on a log, his sword gripped lightly in one hand as his eyes scanned the woods. He wanted to be further from Camelot by now, past Ealdor at the very least, so that he and his men might regroup. Most of all, he wanted to get Guinevere to safety. He tried not to dwell upon the betrayal of his sister or the revelation that his idiot servant was really a sorcerer. Instead, he focused on the movement of his breath through his lungs and the sounds of the forest around him. Behind him, a twig snapped. He sighed.

"Guinevere, you should be sleeping."

"How did you know it was me, Arthur?" She asked as she came to stand beside him, slipping her hand into his.

"I've made a study of how you walk, Guinevere."

Gwen smiled up at him, pressing her free hand to his chest.

"Killing a chicken at a thousand paces and identifying people merely by the sound of their footfall...What other amazing skills do you possess, Arthur Pendragon?"

Arthur's full lips quirked. "How long ago that seems. What I wouldn't give for those simple days hiding away in your warm cottage."

Gwen's smile faltered slightly. "We cannot go back to those days now. But we still have each other and that is something."

Arthur cupped her check with his hand, running his thumb gently over her chin as he regarded her. "That is everything, Guinevere."

Arthur bent down and pressed his lips to hers as he gathered her to him. Her small hands clutched at his chainmail as her tongue sought entrance to his mouth.

After a time, Arthur pulled back from her and pressed his forehead to hers.

"I do not know what I would have done if I had lost you."

Gwen snaked her arms around his waist. "You would have lived, Arthur, and been the King Camelot so desperately needs."

"I cannot be that king without you beside me as my Queen," Arthur replied, quickly kissing her mouth to stop the protest he knew would be perched on her tongue. "You would have been the Queen the people deserve. With you Camelot would again be a place of hope for its people. But what hope is there now?"

"There is always hope," Gwen replied.

"I wish I had your faith, Guinevere."

Gwen cupped his face in her hands. "You must have hope, Arthur," she demanded. "Even if faith is all you have, you must cling to it."

"A man can have faith and still die in the street," Arthur replied.

"But he won't die defeated. The only thing that kept me going while they tortured and taunted me was my faith in you, Arthur. My faith that Camelot would again see a time of peace and prosperity."

Arthur gently pulled her hands from his face. He cradled her hands in his, running his thumbs over her bruised wrists as tears pooled in his eyes.

"I am just one man."

"Perhaps, but you are not alone. You have me and Merlin. Elyan and Gwaine. Leon, Percival and Lancelot and hundreds more still in Camelot loyal to you. Together we will prevail. We must."

Arthur stared down at Gwen, his chest filling with pride and affection at her words. Even now in these dire times, here she was declaring her faith in him once more. He swallowed thickly against the thought that he had almost been forced to face a future without her gentle wisdom and unshakable faith. So many times she had come to him in his time of doubt with such words upon her lips. This time Arthur responded in the manner that had been denied him all those times before; he bent his head and caught those wise lips in a kiss.

* * *

Gwen did not know how they had come to this point. At one minute she was reminding Arthur that he was not alone in this fight and the next moment she was pressed against a tree, her skirt hiked to her waist, her legs draped around Arthur's hips as he fumbled with the laces to his breeches. Gwen had never imagined that their first time together would occur at such a place and time as this. Indeed, she had never allowed herself to truly believe she would ever be with Arthur in this way. However, all of those thoughts were far from her mind as her breasts were freed to the night air and Arthur's hot tongue. Thoughts of propriety and consequences would come later. Gwen knew that tomorrow was not promised to them. If she could only have him now in this place, so be it.

Gwen whimpered as Arthur removed his mouth from her right breast, the cold night air against her moistened flesh causing her to shiver. He held her above him with one hand, the other holding himself inches from her entrance. His blue eyes sought hers in a silent plea for permission.

"Yes, Arthur, now."

He entered her swiftly holding her hips to him as they both shuddered at the contact. Gwen gasped and whispered his name as she adjusted to his invasion.

"Am I hurting you?" he whispered, his voice cracking.

"No," she gasped. "You feel so good."

Arthur grunted and withdrew before thrusting more firmly back into her body. He set a quick pace, his mouth covering hers to muffle their moans and cries. Gwen felt her world reduced to the feeling of him inside her, of her breasts pressed against the cool chainmail of his chest, of his tongue moving along her own. Feeling emboldened, Gwen began to meet his thrusts with her own determined to have him deeper and faster.

"Guinevere. Ah. Guinevere," he gasped against her lips.

Arthur quickened his pace and Gwen pulled her mouth from his, no longer caring to be quiet. Gwen shut her eyes and dropped her head back to rest on the tree trunk, her mouth falling open in rapid pants. She was overcome with the feel of him, the sound of her name rasped in her ear, the fear of being seen.

* * *

Lancelot stepped back into the shadows as Guinevere opened her eyes. He knew he should look away and no longer intrude upon the lovers, but he could not. His eyes remained fixed on the sight of Arthur taking his maid roughly against the tree. She was beautiful. Her curls wild about her shoulders, catching the moonlight. Her swollen lips parted. Her hands fisted in the golden hair of her lover as he suckled her breasts. He would never see her fall apart beneath his own touch.

He felt his heart seize within his chest as the frantic movement of Guinevere's hips stilled for a moment before she shuddered and whimpered the prince's name. The prince followed soon after with a harsh shout. Lancelot continued to watch as the pair caressed each other, whispering promises as they recovered.

"I don't think Arthur or Guinevere would appreciate an audience right now."

Lancelot spun around at the sound of Gwaine's voice. The man stood with his arms crossed over his chest, his face hard in the moonlight.

"I...I was merely keeping watch." Lancelot stammered.

"Keeping watch," Gwaine snorted, his lips twisting. "That's what they call it where you're from, then?"

Lancelot looked away, his cheeks burning in indignation.

"We both know what this is about," Gwaine replied, dropping his crossed arms to point one finger accusingly at Lancelot's chest. "You want Guinevere."

"What do you know of what I want?" Lancelot snarled.

"A blind man could see it. You've barely taken your eyes off of Gwen since we arrived from Camelot. Even before then you burned with rage when Arthur did not choose you as part of the rescue party."

"I fought for her first," Lancelot replied with a fierce whisper. "I laid my life down for her and I'd gladly do it again."

"Then let her be. She had chosen Arthur as you can clearly see."

Lancelot sighed and ran a hand through his dark locks.

"I know," he sighed. "And I've no intention of coming between them. He is a good man and worthy of her. I'll do as I did then, I'll leave."

"Leave?" Gwaine scoffed. "So your answer is to run away like some kicked dog. I thought you loved her?"

"Then what would you have me do?" Lancelot rounded on him. "Watch him woo her. Stay to see her belly grow large with his seed?"

"If you loved her you would stay and fight for the home and future she dearly loves. You would not leave Gwen and the rest of us like some coward to lick your wounds while we bleed and die to free Camelot. If you were half the warrior Merlin claimed you to be you would stay and stand with us."

Lancelot paced considering Gwaine's words. He glanced towards the clearing but Arthur and Gwen could no longer be seen.

"I need to think," he said before stalking off into the woods.

* * *

Gwen gathered the remains of their breakfast as the group broke down camp. She felt oddly at peace after the events of the past few weeks. Gwen had been able to have her first true rest in ages safely tucked against Arthur's body. Not even his wretched snoring had been able to disturb her repose. Although, she supposed that others of her party were not so lucky. Leon looked positively grumpy as he saddled his horse. Arthur and the others were readying their horses while Merlin busied himself with removing all traces of their presence from the camp, his eyes glowing amber as he whispered his enchantment. Seeing her best friend wield his powers still sent a shiver down her spine, but she was glad to know that such a loyal and kind hearted sorcerer was on their side. Lancelot was not among those readying for the day's journey and no one could account for his absence. But Gwen noticed Gwaine's look of discomfort when Arthur questioned the group.

Gwen had moved to pack her own horse when Lancelot emerged from the forest. Dark circles lay under his eyes and his complexion was startlingly pale. Gwen moved towards him just as Arthur took notice of his presence.

"Lancelot, we had feared you'd been carried off in the night," Arthur said as he clapped him on the back. "Is everything alright."

Gwen thought she saw Lancelot wince after the friendly gesture, but thought it was merely a trick of the light.

"I did not mean to cause anyone to worry," Lancelot replied. "I just needed a walk to clear my head."

"Come," Gwen replied as she took him by the hand. "You must eat something before we set off today. You look dead on your feet."

"I assure you, I'm fine," Lancelot protested trying to pull his hand from her grip.

"I insist," Gwen replied as she bade him to sit down on a log. "I won't have a friend falling off a horse and breaking his neck because I did not make sure he had a proper meal."

"I'd listen to her, Lancelot," Elyan replied from his place by the horses. "She's in full mother hen mode now and nothing will stop her."

Gwen threw her brother a glare as she carried a bowl and canteen back to Lancelot.

"Its not much and it is probably dreadful now that it is cold, but I insist you eat every bite."

"Goodness she's bossy," Merlin teased as he came to a stop beside her, a bag and bedroll draped over one shoulder. "Just imagine what she'll be like when she's Queen."

Gwen pinched Merlin in the arm as Elyan and Gwaine erupted in laughter.

"And a fine queen she'll make," Arthur said as he walked towards them. "The finest Camelot has ever seen."

Lancelot swallowed his cold porridge as he watched Gwen accept a chaste kiss to the lips from the prince. Gwen blushed before following Arthur and Merlin to the horses, unaware of the dark eyes that tracked her every step.


End file.
